I am not an angry person. In fact, “You are so sweet!” is the compliment I receive more often than any other. I have been married for 26 years, but there was a time in my married life when anger completely took over.
The following post was written in a private journal during a period when I was making sense of the men in my life and trying to understand what my anger was asking of me. Through that process, I realized there is only one man who gets a pass for my anger—and to be completely fair, I fully own that anger with Him. On difficult days, I will often start a prayer by saying, “Jesus, I am angry. Am I angry at You too, or are You actually going to do something about this?”
Thankfully, those moments happen less and less these days. I have learned how to separate where my anger belongs and with whom it should rest. Ultimately, I believe Jesus wants me to be angry sometimes. I think He wants all of us to remember our divine worth—that we are created in the image of God. We do not have to endure mistreatment and simply smile like “good Christians.”
Jesus got angry, too. If you ever need a refresher, just look up the time He flipped tables, or read about the adversarial voice Jesus used against injustice.
Thankfully, Jesus is where I run when I am angry. I reach my hand out to the right. I watch him grab my hand. He tells me, “I am here. Cling to me in Spirit. Keep going. I am not going anywhere.”
I was inspired to share this old journal reflection by a beautiful poet, Dream Escape. The poem is entitled, “Hurt”. Join me in following their poetry. In the meantime, enjoy this personal reflection that the poetry reminded me I needed to post. Thank you, Dream Escape.
In Him,
Mama3Girls
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Jesus Wept
(Written October 2020)
John 11:32–35
Now when Mary came to where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet, saying to him, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled.
And he said, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.”
Jesus wept.
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“Jesus wept.”
As far as memory verses go, is the most simplistically convenient.
As far as understanding the verse? Inconveniently complicated.
Jesus had all the power of Heaven at His disposal while walking this Earth. And yet He chose not to use it— at the great expense of two of His closest allies; Mary and Martha. His enemies were far greater. His tears alone are confusing. Those tears showed a level of vulnerable care and concern that unbelievers could use to prove He wasn’t the Messiah. A perfect Messiah shouldn’t have a need to “weep.”
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John 11:36–39
So the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”
But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man also have kept this man from dying?”
Then Jesus, deeply moved again, came to the tomb. It was a cave, and a stone lay against it. Jesus said, “Take away the stone.”
Martha, the sister of the dead man, said to him, “Lord, by this time there will be an odor, for he has been dead four days.”
———————-
Who was Jesus crying for? Was it for Mary and Martha? Was it the crowd of crying people? Was it for Lazarus? Was it for Himself?
What could He have done differently to avoid grief: Mary’s grief, Martha’s grief, the grief of the Jewish crowd, His own grief?
When did He plan to come to Mary’s aid; Martha’s aid? Did He get the timing wrong?
Where was He as their brother lay dying?
Jesus was close to Mary and Martha. Of all the gin joints in all of Judea, you would think JC would have been at theirs. On the surface, it looks like Jesus dropped the ball on His closest friends.
Why would God, who holds the keys to perfecting life, ever put Himself in a position to experience grief and death? How does grieving point to a loving Father? Why would a loving Father not spare us—and Himself—these kinds of burdens? Why allow grief to happen to those He loves? Why experience it on a personal level? I mean… He’s GOD.
Can’t He just poof and make it disappear?
So many questions.
Here is Jesus- who did everything in absolute perfection. He had the ability to heal, and for the man in this chapter—this beloved brother, Lazarus—he chose not to.
Jesus helped and healed complete strangers, but did not come to help Mary and Martha as their brother lay dying. Mary and Martha were angry. At Jesus.
Friends, have you ever felt this way? Like them, didn’t you even send Him word of your suffering?
Did it seem like He wasn’t listening?
Mary and Martha understand you.
The hours of torment, watching Lazarus die, had to have been sheer torture alone. And now Lazarus is dead. And Jesus? He STAYED WHERE HE WAS for TWO whole days AFTER hearing about Lazarus. His claim? It was for the “glory of the Lord.”
He was and is God…so why the need to glorify the Lord through prolonged suffering? The problem could have been solved before it even got that far if He’d just left a little sooner.
Seeing the humanity of Jesus is a mystery. He clues us in with verses 40-42.
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40 Jesus said to her,
“Did I not tell you that if you believed you would see
the glory of God?”
41 So they took away the stone. And Jesus lifted up his eyes and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this
on account of the people standing around, that they may believe that you sent me.”
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Mary and Martha; witnessers of miracles, friends and believers of Jesus, lovers of your brother; blessed are you.
Jesus has come to your aid. He has purposefully put himself in your shoes. He is experiencing your loss on a personal level.
He is greatly troubled.
And He weeps.
He is God but is also man. I believe He wanted to know you. That He always hears you.
How great is His love for you that he allowed this death to permeate His soul; That He allowed the questioning of His motives to show you how MUCH you meant to Him?
He saved His greatest miracle for you.
You believe in him. Even in your distress and frustration, you fell to his feet and acknowledged Him as Lord.
And now look at how He loves you.
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John 11:43–44
When he had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”
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Friends, like Mary and Martha, we are beloved by God. He understands personally the nature of suffering and will walk with us through ours. We are not bound to death like those who do not believe. With this miracle, He wants us to understand how beloved we are. He wants us to rest in glorifying the heart a God who loves us like this.
There will be a day when our Earthly experience is no more. And on that day, the stone will be taken away, the linen strips and cloths will be unbound, and we will be let go to live in the perfect love of God.
Until that time, we are a witness to that perfect love. As we stand around, may we weep with those who are grieving. May we humbly reflect the love of Jesus to a dark and hurting world.
Do not lose hope. Remember that He always hears your cries. Believe in the love of a God who would choose to weep over our pain—a God who would put Himself in our shoes.
Believe in the love of a God who became pain and sacrificed His own Son.
Believe this.
He intimately will meet us in our grief. Even when we’re not feeling it ourselves.
How?
He experienced the loss of His One and Only as an eternal promise to end our suffering. His perfect Son BECAME sin.
Why?
His own death would finally testify to the staggering weight of His divine love for us.
And for Him?
We were worth the sacrifice.
The second Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, He knew the hours would begin to tick down to His replacement death.
He knew this.
Believe.
Ultimately we were not created to stay in this world forever. In our grief, in this fallen world, He knows us. He is pointing us toward the hope of something far greater. Something forever.
He sacrificed much to afford us this eternal promise; that we end up eternally in His loving arms.
And look at how He loves us.
John 3:16
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.”
Thank you Jesus for the beacon of light that you are in our present darkness. The light of Hope for an eternal dwelling with you in perfection.
No pain.
No loss.
No grief.
Only joy.
May your glory reign forever and ever.
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1 Thessalonians 4:13–14
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.
mama3girls-phnig 
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